Esteemers

fun is fleeting, this is the come down.

biochemicalhorrormonalyselfdefeatingintellectualbreakshit warfare is
rustling the trees outside my window.

here they come, here they go.
who are you
today
to me.

marks on my calendar, voids beneath skin
beyond comprehension.
are we really ok without being in the know.

my smile is gone, mischievous was never enough.

i need to sit and meditate. reiterate some positive phrasing.
ill get done what i needed to today
and retreat upon the creeping in of tomorrow.

does the pressure peruse you?

is the feeling true.

is it exciting because we recogonize that it should be.
is it intense because we want it that way.
is it lovely because thats just what we're looking for.

we're all circular constructs. there are no square pegs. we fit into one another.
where is the black and white world.

am i bored thus lonely. am i bored thus depressed. does boredom rule a world that doesn't sit still, only to feed our heads.
embrace your boredom.
listen to its unresponse.

you are not responsible for my unorthodox complex with being responsible for others emotions.
but it pains me greatly to feel your hurt.

it only puzzles me to feel my own.

sometimes i think

alcohol is healthy for me.

i should write more. It's 3:15am i just got off work. There's a tall blonde next to me, after hours company.

moon is bitten off from the full once again. its hazy and cold.
friends bubble to the surface and pop without asking them to do so. The air dissipates, they lose the form that outlined who they were and perhaps who they'll be again.
But i can't breathe easy with the exhalation they expel.

hot air, cold swears, what's a hooligan.
write me a letter, ill write you a verse. Read it again
but never outloud.

where is my sister. i miss my sister.

dont ask me for advice unless you're not listening.
ask yourself if you can make it through the time it takes.
think of cookies and your nose and the fog you create

against the windows, against doors.
ill count down the floors of the skyrise above to see if the light is still soaking into the back of your blue shade.
how exposed are you?

if you know then you're not.

superheroes and televisor shows me
that ill coast away on charisma until.
until what.
the great (man) theory stands alone.
married with 12 children a mate and a home. but ill feel the best ive been in weeks when someone pays
special attention to me.
turn a cheek to how obvious and ugly the world is.
shrug your shoulders, pat a back, take their money and turn them away.

love, for what its worth.

sometimes without trying hard i can feel my body dying.
it doesnt stop me from keeping on what im doing to let it.
challenge authoity, strip away the rules.
ill think you're wrong when you're not sure you're right.

why do we think we have responsibility over others. towards others?
do we really care.

comfortable is boring. it causes anxiety.
o look, a sprial solution.

what's your number?
how many have you had?
that have broken you?

Against windows cold or seething. I see no light.
But now i know you're awake.

how to feel

comes to a point where you feel nothing
until you feel the originial redone, remixed reconceived in someone (someone)
retorted, reported, automosphere.

when you find the words they're gone.

how many times we feed to the general
i
i i
iiiii
i me he she be
i need he she

focus on the dj
whenwords are hard to come to
looking for this
out self acclaim
speak me to thee
a necessity

but how long can i hold this smoke
between my teeth
to free the place
between my finger tips

take a drag to notice the nonsense
in generations
not long enogh to exhale something
that makes a difference
ill reach for something to make up for
something more
and those words......
well those are words.

im sorry for the lack of aire
between what your looking for
and my me saying im sorry.

the watchmen say.

megan i love you

Goethe's final words, "More light!"

Ever since we crawled out of that primordial slime, that's been our unifying cry
more light.
sunlight, torchlight, candlelight, neon, incandescent. Light to banish the darkness from our caves, to illuminate our roads, the insides of our refridgerators. Big floods for the night games at Soldiers Field. Little tiny flashlights for those books we read under the covers when we're supposed to be asleep.
Light is more than watts, and footcandles. Light is metaphor.

Thy word is a lamp under my feet.
rage, RAGE against the dying of the light!
Lead kindly light, amid the encircling gloom. Lead thou me on.
The light is dark and i am far from home. Lead thou me on.
Arise, shine for that light has come.

Light is knowledge. Light is life. Light is light.