Mammals and much

After posting something self-deprecating on my away message, Reuben responded with this:
(From Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

On the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much - the wheel, New York, wars and so on - whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man - for precisely the same reasons.

I woke up the other day, got out my messenger bag, put a note book in it, put my sunglasses on my head and a FIJI bottle in my hand, plugged my ears with my iPod and walked around pretending to be a student. Everytime i thought of that, i put the glasses over my eyes to hide this pathetic sadness leaking all over my face.

I am a guilt ridden person. It's what grandmothers and Catholicism does to a person. It's also what immense love for too many people does to a person. I have been letting myself choke on feeling guilty about having fun, about being happy for the first time in a long time. Why does happiness, solely in the grandeur of success override so many other small things.

Ah, but you see, its my trouble, its my head. Ferk (you know, Mr. Ferkaluk, from AAS, father mentor coach to a group of tremendous swimmers, feared by all others) told me once that i have a case of two-footitus. Give me a 12 foot boat and all i want is a 14fter. This is true. I dont know how to get over it.

Career fair was a week ago tuesday. Stiens was packed. I took care of a table of 14 from Earnst and Young; all babies, fresh grads. Their bill was 445$. My tip was 65$. I made 100$ that night sweating a hole in the back of my shirt. The thing i couldn't get over was how these kids, sitting here and chugging down liquor and beer on the company's credit, punching numbers and keeping this arbitrary system flowing like water, are thought of as "successful". Sure, they worked hard, they graduated, they wear suits. I can't say that i am any of those things, but wow, how funny. If youve ever worked in the restaurant biz, you understand the exquisite display of psychotic submission in every employee. Stress. Lovely stress. For 100 bucks. And you're damn happy about that.

Maybe its another case of the tortoise and the hare. The slow guy ends up winning. Meredith ends up with the job of her dreams and is honest to god satisfied with it until the day she crokes. The other fuzzy bunnies move too quick without thinking and end up stuck. Why must i compare myself to these hares? Because the hares will be together and meredith will move like honey all alone.

I'm scared and excited all at the same time.
So i should probably make something happen really soon.
Ready set bang.