giddy bitty baby betty

i had a good weekend.

i would like to ignore the alcohol part of this happy equation. I'd like to believe that this is a karma thing rather than a chemical thing.

sarah smurf came to camp on friday, our last day.
The girls cried. Not because of sarah, but because it was our last day. I remembered Camp Luther when Christy and i cried the whole way home. I still have the bandana Ace gave me. Such a safe place. I love camp.
So we cleaned after it was all over and I found Tippy understands my strange finger sensitivities. if i get dirt under my fingernails, i freak out. My skin turns white right into a straight jacket and i try to bust the fuck out. Then, you know the shiveryness you get when someone scrapes their fingernails across a chalk board? I feel that in my two front teeth.
anyway, no one understood this before i met Tippy. this made me happy.

i left camp and got home and made yummy caprese salad and a lemon ginger martini with that succulent grey goose and i noticed that they spell grey with an e and so do i and no one else in the world does, so once again, i found a friend in common. When i was relaxing outside with my first smoke of the week (from a pack that i found in one of my boxes from oxy) and i marveled at how incredibly sexy smoke is and what a shame tis that its so damn bad for you. Then i thought, sarah should call me and what do you know my phone rings and i believe i have telepathic powers and that i really and truly am a special creature.

After i tell sarah that i'll drive and twice after i stop and go What did i just say? and catorce after a red stripe (which is from jamaica, did you know that? I didn't know that) and some shots of tequila, i get ready and, yes ill just say it, i look so cute cute. Ok, maybe im not a special creature. Anyway I pick sarah up and she says, amp tell me stories, which is a line i use on absolutely everyone so im a little taken aback. I haven't seen sarah in a year plus, so like perfect and normal my brain floods and empties itself all at the same time. It's quite the paradoxical genius, my brain. So i say i dont have any and i insist that she tell me stories instead, which she does...for a long time. They're the kind of stories where names are used with such a casualness that you become very preoccupied that these people are acquaintances of your own and you have now become the most hideous person because you have misplaced them in your social repertoire. I convince myself that no one is capable of following this conversation and no, you're not supposed to remember that same guy from 12 years ago that you never once in your life met. Then i begin to wonder if i am ever really listening to anyone when they talk to me, and i feel incredibly guilty about this but i swear its not my fault, i can't help it...and all the while sarah is still talking.


So we go to McDuffy's on 111th and Pulaski. I like the place, even if its a little trashy. I am a snob. I really am. I begin to think about Miami and i begin to irrationally compare it to state schools and this bar and how i really fucked up such a good place. For being such an analyst, im a really shallow little shit. Anyway, Sarah's friend liz comes and the girl is ridiculously gorgeous. She's got this square petit face and this skin that you'd love to make your bed sheets out of. She has a perfect mouth and these gorgeous teeth that held her Marlboro menthol 100s and i really loved her for that. And she was funny. Not witty funny, but you know, cute girl funny. God, it really does work like that doesn't it. So i was starting to be less bored. That was nice.

Anyway, we got to dancing. Not this girl and i, but everyone. I sang red neck woman for my father and then we stopped dancing. Sarah found the rest of her guy friends and she did her own little dance around them. When we were sitting earlier, she said we should play 20 questions. It's the most efficient way to get to know someone. I liked this idea. She asked me what my most embarrassing moment was and i quickly decided that i didn't like this game anymore. but i answered her anyway. I briefly told her about how i was going to make my debut in the manipulative business world when i joined a pyramid scheme by giving away my mother's credit card number. SPECIAL CREATURE. I couldn't seem to find any good questions so i decided on what her biggest regret was. She said she wished she wasn't so naive with men. This made sense after i got her "briefing" on all the men she's been with in the past 20 years. My point is im looking at her now, flirting with all these guys and i wonder if this is the thing for her that she can't help, that its not her fault.


How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one. But the lightbulb has to really WANT the change.


I said i had a good weekend, I dont think I'm getting that across. For the next two hours i danced. I sweated my face off. I broke my necklace I was bumpin so hard. WHY? Because they played:
Toca's Miracle by Fragma
and a bunch of other really bad 90s eurodance music from my zombie nation convertible way too much anorexia and pot days and knew all the words and i was the happiest kitty in the place. I also quite enjoyed doing body rolls to Pour Some Sugar on Me which is terrible and they ended the night with James' laid and that was great. So i decided im still a kid with way too much energy. Its decidedly so that im gonna have to start using it again. I haven't had that much fun in awhile.

when i got home at 230, dad still wasn't home and that made me laugh. then i pulled out all my cds that have been at school for the summer and put in Talkie Walkie, which i listened to on repeat while in Australia. So im mildly drunk, freshly showered, my head filled with pictures of the southern night sky through the mesh of my mozzie dome and im deliriously bloody fucking giddy.

i woke up at 7, went to work, cleaned, killed a mouse with a rock, said farewell and came home again. Then i laid out in the sun all day and read harry potter, took a nap. when i woke up dad was gone again so i put the chambord the grey goose and some vanilla on the counter and realized again what a snob i am and how those two bottles put together could buy food to feed a small family for a month. Inspired by the energy of last night i searched and found! my DJ Micro mix cd and blasted the shit out of that for an hour. i gave myself a crap'e french manicure, found my green pants which were also at school for the summer and put those green pants baby blue and red all together in my favorite fashion color combination of all time. I decided i looked even cuter than i did the previous night so i went to David Delach's for his farewell party but before i did i went once again to my boxed treasures from oxy and found my "hang in there bear" from mom to give to Dave because i love him but im a terrible friend because i haven't talked to him in months. When i arrived to my surprise i found mr DS and cj and while we were running around dave's house looking for things to put up our noses i took a big happy deep breath to remember how much god damn fun i had with these fools in high school. And that was so because they're smart snobs, just like me.
I got drunk and attempted to tell puder we're going on an expedition to nevada to witness burning man. I talked to Johnson for a long time and convinced him to smoke and show me his new house. Coulda been the array of shit that was working its way through my system but the castle tripped me out. Massive. Gorgeous. Too many bathrooms. I read some very interesting newspaper articles written 12 years ago on monday april 12th (thats my birthday). I of course found this to be absolutely mind blowing. Then there was too much shit in my head so i had to get up and do something. I proceeded to pull an audrey hepburn down the front stairs, in the kitchen, dining room. Pointed toes and everything. ballerina moves in the dark, everyone sleeping. I figured since it was the johnson's that there were security cameras taping this. i did not care. if you have seen this house, you understand its power, especially for a wanna be theater queen. I finally left, had a very very long and paranoid drive home. But it was 5ish and the sky was turning that faded morning blue and the orange looked dusty and it was beautiful and i wondered when steven was getting home. Nick Drake put me to sleep. I was filled.

Dad and i went to Ruffled Feathers to play golf with dale on sunday. Well, i didn't play, i just drove the cart around and drank vodka lemonades. I love golf. I think its the most hilarious thing in the world. It's something about the golf carts, the way they drive - like little wind up toys. And the degree of comparison between all those acres of land and that little tiny ball that old men in their silly outfits keep running after. It's more than entertaining to see the focus in the approach, the time that passes before the ball is struck, or rather "chunked" then the resistance to throw the one of 1200 clubs these kids carry around against a tree. And the etiquette. I LOVE golf etiquette. And the terminology. Fabulous! 90 degree cart rules and slopes and doglegs and bump and run and hey dann, want me to mark it? Dad and i decided we'd develop should make 12 hole courses. The game takes 5 fucking hours to play. 5 hours. Thats redonkulous. But like i said, i just drove the cart around and drank vodka lemonades.

Dad and i went to McDonalds for dinner. I thought that was funny. And it was 11 dollars. That just seems wrong. So then, despite our russian floridian buzz and sun lethargy, we drove to LaGrange to see...Mr Blotto! Dad and i have been talking about doing this forever. It was nice that it finally got done. Plus, LaGrange is cute. Plus i was supposedly mad at him for awhile, so this was our lets hang out and be friends again ok? day. all is well with the world.

SO THEN, we get home and im still thirsty so i drink aussie cab and talk to jodo for the first time in forever and that makes me wonderously happy because jodo always has good things to talk about. And then i chat with Cat for the first time in forever and that makes me wondrously happy too. and then kellen comes online which is so rare and we chat and i discover that he has also sent me another e-mail and that is awesome because he letters are fantastic. AND THEN while im pissing on the pot my phone rings, which is also rare, and good heavens its my sweet peached stello calling to tell me he's home from xinprovenceois but all i remember from that conversation is me saying something how he's still the same and nothings changed and he gasps and retorts nothings changed?? Aparently, air franc'e does something to you. oui oui.

so thennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn i got sufjan stevens in my plugs and i light the tiki torch next to my hammock outside and the northern sky and i treat myself to a ciggy binge and im just, well drunk, but since this is a story about karma and not chemicals, im very very happy.