Crippling Social Recoil: It's 7:10am, im due to check out in about 3hrs...

...when i clock in for work.
"I do love you, but i didn't know it was love cuz it was more than love, it was more than some stupid feeling i got in my stomach and i hate you i hate you"....blah blah blah..............
and then all of the employees dance their happy dance on top of the roof under the metaphorically repaired sign. Thank you AJ.

I asked Brian if he could teach me willpower. He gave me some suggestions for redirecting my thoughts (ps, we're talking about smoking here) which he did and which were helpful, but surely not enough to keep me going. What did keep me going was this one REASON that i have been neglecting.

I estimate that i smoke at least 3 packs a week. (at least)
Parliament lights cost $4.25.
Lets do math.

$4.25x3=$12.75
$12.75x3=$38.25/month

spring break starts march 11. That's 7 months away.

$38.25x7=$267.75

which pays for my plane ticket to Key West. which means i have $267.75 to now spend on alcohol because i'll just drink more if i can't smoke.
:)
the best part was when he instructed me to go to the bank and take out $100 in singles. When the sun goes down and the day has been smoke free, i get to tack $4.25 up on my wall. Then after some time, i would have a wall decorated with dollar bills. Blissful sight to fall asleep to.

So that's that.
I dont love, not capable. Dont know what its supposed to be like, dont know if my ideal is asking for too much, but the "flutter" (equates to something like giddiness, except it usually makes one physically quiver with just one thought involving that flutterworthy individual) that i get is completely sexual. That's it. I'm sad. I'm a pathetic pathetic person. Who can't even like, let alone love.

Not that i care all that much, its just what i have come to realize.
But its ok, because im quitting for the kids.

Can't wait to find the man that packs the genius gene so i can pop out some perfect kids.

There was this family that came in today.
One girl had boy cut short hair and was the most hyper little thing. She made me think: this is the prime example of childhood ignorance. I'm gonna do and say whatever the hell i want because i dont even know. anything. at all.
The other sister had blonde straight hair and said please and thank you and sat still with her hands together on the table, conscious of the elbows.

I miss my family.
They're tops. That's love.
Four days till the best four to sit around a dinner table.

good god i wish i could sleep.
Damn you doppio espresso macchiato.
Damn you dreams.

Someone enclosed a burning cigarette in a jar and sold it on e-bay. They called it “ghost”.
Another guy claimed that he was in a New York club and Brittany Spears was walking in front of him. She farted and for some miraculous reason he had a Tupperware container on hand. So he caught Brittany Spears’ fart and sold it for $300.